From New Moms to Lifelong Friends: The Evolution of Support Part 1

In May of 2024, it will mark 32 years since I attended my very first meeting of a New Moms Support Group. Held in the cozy basement of an experienced mother, the group was facilitated by a Lamaze Childbirth Educator, offering a six-week postpartum support program for new mothers. At the time, I had been home with my oldest child, my son, for nearly two months. Amidst the whirlwind of emotions following his birth, I found myself yearning for connection and reassurance in my newfound role as a mother. So, I eagerly signed up for the group, craving validation and guidance: Was what I was experiencing normal? Were my struggles shared by others? And most importantly, was I doing this "mom thing" right?

The first time I descended the basement stairs for that initial meeting, holding my infant and carrying a diaper bag, I harbored no expectations beyond simply having a reason to leave the house. Little did I know the profound impact that day would have on my life, and on the lives of my son and family. Joined by six other new mothers, all navigating the uncharted waters of motherhood, we quickly discovered a shared bond amidst the cries, feedings, and diaper changes of our infants. In that cozy basement, we found solace in the universality of our experiences, laughing, crying, and supporting each other through the trials and triumphs of early parenthood.

As the weeks progressed, our bonds deepened, and friendships formed out of our weekly meetings. Exchanging phone numbers in an era before cell phones and texting, we resolved to continue supporting each other beyond the formal group sessions. Rotating between our homes, our gatherings evolved into cherished moments of camaraderie and shared experiences. Seven moms, seven babies. Despite life's inevitable changes – moves, career shifts, and growing families – our core group persevered, adapting our meetings to accommodate the needs of our evolving children and schedules. Our babies were playing now, and we were able to sit back and enjoy a cup of coffee, and a sweet treat, while they learned important life lessons about fairness, and sharing. Down to three, Pat, Karen and I coined the name Playgroup. We began to babysit for each other, just to give each other quiet time to go to the grocery store, or run an errand. The trust we had for each other allowed us to begin to take personal time for ourselves without feelings of guilt.

With time, our gatherings morphed into more than just support sessions; they became opportunities for celebration and shared adventures. We started to include the dads into holiday parties and trips to the zoo. Pat was expecting her second child and we were there to support her and help out in any way we could. Our families were growing and bonding. Within three years of our first meeting in that basement, we each had given birth to a second child, so we were up to six kids; three boys and three girls. They were growing up together, and learning invaluable lessons in empathy, tolerance, and friendship. As our children blossomed into their own unique selves, we marveled at the beautiful tapestry of diversity within our group, teaching our little ones the profound lesson that family extends beyond blood ties.

Reflecting on those early years, I'm struck by the resilience and commitment of our group, a testament to the power of community and shared experience in navigating the challenges of parenthood. Through laughter, tears, and countless poopy diapers, we forged friendships that transcended the boundaries of time and circumstance, leaving an indelible mark on each other's lives.

Being a part of a support group, regardless of its title (postpartum support group, pregnancy support group, birthing parents group, non-birthing parents groups, working parents groups, adoptive parent groups, the list goes on) has been one of the most impactful experiences of my life. As a childbirth educator myself, and someone who has worked with over 3000 pregnant and postpartum persons, I have always encouraged and recommended that parents take part in some form of community support. I cannot guarantee that everyone will have the exact same experience that I had, but I can very confidently say that the validation and confidence that will come from connecting with a community of people in a similar stage of life will be worth it.

This is only the beginning of how Playgroup started and grew, and continues to grow after 32 years. We have experienced the highest of the highs with each other and the lowest of the lows, but we continue to show up as our authentic selves to support each other and to learn from each other. Make sure to read Part 2 to learn more about what support can look like.